Article archive / March 1, 2014
Originally published: . Volume 5, No. 7. Source pages: 10, 11.
Living with Your Body & Other Things You Hate How to Let Go of Your Struggle with Body Image Using Acceptance & Commitment Therapy
Dr. Emily Sandoz and co-author Troy Dufrene have written a very different type of self-help book in their beautifully human, Living with Your Body & Other Things You Hate. It is a book about the experience of being in one’s body, how we sometimes turn that into suffering, and how to find a way out based in freedom, choice and value-based existence.
The subtitle, How to Let Go of Your Struggle with Body Image Using Acceptance & Commitment Therapy, tells the reader that the work is an application of the evidenced-based Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, or ACT, and its strong reliance on mindfulness, experience, and values.
“Call to mind a moment when you felt really free—not burdened or pushed or squeezed down—just there, where you were. It might be something recent, or you might have to reach way back in your memory to find that free moment. It might be something really important to your life—a big day that others would remember. Or it might be something simple, like a smell that reminds you of spring or of your grandmother. What you’re looking for here is any free moment. A moment you would choose.”
Reminiscent of phrasing in hypnotherapy styles, the authors craft the conversational tone that is in itself poetic, compassionate, soothing and inspiring. They encourage without pressure or condemnation, posing choices and options and staying close to the principles of ACT by validating personal freedoms.
There is no regurgitation of facts or scientific literature, or pointing out of what it wrong. While deceptively simple on the surface, the delightful style could be training for therapeutic speech in general, and specifically, how to navigate the nuances of resistance.
The work addresses a serious societal issue––body image. “We’re writing this book right now because for many people, body image is a problem.” Issues with body image are both the result and cause of problems for many people in all ages and walks of life. The authors take on the issue and offer an elegant, unusual solution.
“Most of us have a vague idea of the impact on people’s lives but the authors describe it to us so we can feel it. “Millions of people will organize whole chunks of their lives today around how they feel about the way they look. They’ll wake up an hour early to style their hair or apply their makeup. They’ll change out of a shirt they love because it doesn’t look like they think it should, or they’ll skip lunch with a friend so they can fit in another workout. Some will pretend to be sick so no one wonders why they aren’t eating, and others will avoid the eyes of someone who cares about them so they don’t have to imagine what she might see.”
The authors aren’t trying to help people find a way to change how they feel about their body or to give advice on how to look better. Their approach is paradoxical. Sandoz and Troy are presenting something altogether different.
“We should go ahead and confess: this book is not about changing how you feel about your body any more than it is full of tips on how to look good. It’s worth saying again: we’re not going to teach you to like your body. We don’t think you need any more of that kind of advice. In fact, we think that if strategies for feeling better or looking better were going to help you live your life, you wouldn’t be reading this book. We wonder if there isn’t another way to let go of this struggle—a way that doesn’t depend on changing how you look or even how you feel about how you look.” The authors do not pound the ideas into the reader with logic, facts or specific rationales. They help the reader create the vision. In “Where You Could Be Headed,” they write that they are not necessarily interested in the life that your mother, or your brother, or your spouse, or partner, or teacher might want for you. “We are explicitly interested in the life you would choose, the one you would reach out and pluck from all the possibilities. The life that you would value, the life that you would work for. The life in which you could find your freedom.”
Sandoz and Dufrene write about the psychological costs, gently pointing out that some of us get through much of our day in a productive way, but “…without it being very meaningful at all. In some cases, we can get through much of our lives without even being there.”
The work seems perfectly timed and well suited for clients with eating disorders, weight-loss resistance, body-image distress, and all the related concerns, as well as being a help for those therapists treating people with these struggles.
This is a large group. A recent survey found that women spend 55 minutes a day on appearance, to “feel better about themselves.” Sixty-seven percent of adult women worry about their appearance, more than finances, health, relationships or professional success. Sixty percent of women and 36 percent of men have negative thoughts about themselves weekly. And perhaps the most alarming aspect of the research is that 78 percent of teenage girls are “plagued with this kind of self-criticism.”
Sandoz and Dufrene address this. “We are writing this book because we care about people finding freedom in their lives and because we’ve known far too many people who found themselves trapped in a struggle with their own bodies. If you know something about that struggle, and if you are ready for something different, welcome.”
Living with your Body & Other Things You Hate is structured into two parts. Part 1 includes the overview, with what definitions and theory this experiential text includes. Chapter 1, “Your Body Image,” and Chapter 2, “Letting Go of the Struggle,” compose Part 1.
Part 2, “Four Opportunities for Change,” seeks to engage the reader in the experiences of change from the standpoint of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy.
Audio files for this practice and other practices in this book are available for download at the publisher’s website. In the first parts the authors give an interesting breakdown of some of the definitions and theory, one of the few sections like this in the text. They describe what is known as body image disturbance which can be viewed as body image distress, feeling sad, nervous, disgusted, or overwhelmed about body experiences. They also define body image distortion and body image dissatisfaction. And, they explain what is called body image avoidance, body checking, and body image investment.
These struggles can grow until “they are taking up more time and attention and energy than we’d ever dreamed,” say the authors.
Sandoz and Dufrene explain Body Image Inflexibility and how it includes narrowed attention to certain aspects of appearance, consistently painful thoughts and feelings about the body, and efforts to find relief. Included is evidence about how body image inflexibility impacts other aspects of life, how those with this struggle are more likely to have heart problems, physical illnesses, increased risk of drug use and alcohol or how it impacts relationships, sense of security, or how it leads to depression.
They show the paradoxical nature of the problem and how most approaches are backwards. “We are pretty sure we could give you tips on how to struggle better with your body image. Except here’s the deal: you’d still be struggling! This book is about trying something different, something that’s neither fixing your body nor fixing your body image. This book is about setting down your struggle with body image and living for something more than how you look or how you feel about how you look.”
In “Letting Go of the Struggle,” the authors give an overview of the approach and philosophy of ACT and point to the main concepts, including the emphasis on psychological flexibility as a principle part of psychological health. Another purpose of ACT is valued living, or living a life that is closer to the one a person would be living if the struggle did not exist, the authors explain.
Part 2 is “Four Opportunities for Change,” and provides the reader with a journey through their experiences and mental practice. Four approaches applied to body image are being present, seeing beyond your thoughts, accepting experience, and getting to know you. The authors weave ACT concepts through narrative and mental exercises to ease the reader into greater awareness and choice. Highlights include Chapter 3, where the authors walk the reader through issues of awareness, when it is scattered or stuck. In “Right Here, Right Now: Being Present,” they point out and show that many people find it difficult to be aware of their bodies without their awareness becoming stuck.
Chapter 4 is explains the concept of fusion, in “More than Words: Seeing Beyond Your Thoughts.” The authors describe fusion as when thoughts take over, impacting psychological flexibility. They note that humans are prone to this fusion, and that fused thoughts cannot be figured out, like figuring out a math problem. Fused thoughts limit the way a person can see an issue, since everything is filtered through that lens, they explain.
Sandoz and Dufrene point to the paradox and futility of trying to add opposite thoughts. “Even though it makes intellectual sense, trying to add thoughts that conflict logically with thoughts that are already there isn’t the best way to stop fusion. First, even when we’re able to flip a lens and look through it the opposite way, our world is still being filtered through that lens. And when seeing through any lens (whether it feels good or bad), we’re not experiencing the world fully.”
In the psychological flexibility model, they explain, the goal is defusion. “… to hold our thoughts in such a way that we can see what they are telling us, decide how and if they are important, and see the world around us so we can choose how to respond.”
In Chapter 5, “Opening Up: Accepting the Unacceptable,” authors help the reader understand and address experiential avoidance. Once a person is able to defuse their thoughts, what happens next is they are faced with feelings or thoughts that are painful. Experiential acceptance involves receiving experiences, whether pleasurable or painful.
“If you’re someone who struggles with body image, the situation that causes you pain is often the very body you inhabit,” the authors write, and “… there’s just no escaping your body.” From the flexibility perspective, write the authors, acceptance in not about whether something can or cannot change. Everything changes. It is not about “accepting the fact that…” something is difficult or painful. It is about accepting experiences, the flow of experiences, without avoidance, and letting go of the effort to avoid.
The additional chapters present the reader with alternatives and mental experiences for change and new options, including the ACT concept of commitment, and challenges to those commitments. The authors end each chapter with an opportunity for the reader to think about what they value and to notice how some aspect of inflexibility has interfered with moving toward that value. “…You’ve noticed the times when your awareness is scattered or stuck, and you’ve practiced being present and aware. You’ve noticed the times when you are seeing the world through your thoughts, and you’ve practiced defusing and letting the rest of the world fill in. You’ve noticed when you are in run-trap-kill mode in your own life, and you’ve practiced accepting your experiences as they unfold. You’ve noticed when you are seeing yourself and others through your thoughts, and you’ve practiced getting to know you and others as more than whatever your mind is offering in that moment.”
Living with your Body is a perfect addition to a therapeutic regimen, but it is also much more than a self- help book for body image. It is full of wisdom about accepting life first as it is, and moving in graceful parallel to its realities, creating our most meaningful journey.
It is a book for everyone.
Dr. Emilly Sandoz of the University of Louisiana Lafayette Psychology Department, and author, speaking at a past science track presentation at the Louisiana Psychological Association.
This article is part of a historical newspaper archive. Read the original issue for its original layout, photographs and graphics.