Article archive / December 2020
Originally published: . Volume 11, No. 12. Source pages: 13.
“Crucial Conversations – Tools for Talking When Stakes are High,” which was first published in 2002, became a New York Times bestseller and has since sold over 4 million copies. Multiple reviews suggest the book has touched a very important and sensitive issue: We have conversations with others throughout our lives that affect our relationships and, ultimately, the course of our life. Even day- to-day conversations can become crucial to our wellbeing. The authors begin by discussing their definition of a “crucial conversation” as one in which the “stakes are high, opinions vary, and emotions start to run strong.” They also make point out that, when we face the need to have a crucial conversation, we typically find three likely outcomes: 1. We avoid them (and nothing changes or we delay the confrontation), 2. We face them and handle them poorly, reacting with silence or (verbal) violence because we are hurt, frustrated or angry, or 3. We face them and handle them well (or at least with some degree of success). In setting the stage for their discussion and recommendations, the authors provide an ample list of examples of “crucial” conversations we often face. Examples of potentially crucial conversations include: ending a relationship, talking to a coworker who offended us, asking a friend to repay a loan, giving a boss feedback, resolving custody or visitation issues with an ex-spouse, discussing problems with sexual intimacy, confronting a loved one about substance abuse problems, and giving an unfavorable performance review, just to mention a few. Obviously, crucial conversations are a major part of life. This well written and easy-to-read 240-page softback book is both an excellent reference and a self-help text. While the text has 11 distinctive chapters, its message is organized around seven themes: 1) Defining conversations as crucial, 2) Preparing yourself, 3) Observing and analyzing the situation, 4) Making others feel safe, 5) Sharing and understanding stories, 6) Mastering our stories and the art of dialog, and 7) Converting dialog into action. It includes case studies and resources. It is well worth the read!
This article is part of a historical newspaper archive. Read the original issue for its original layout, photographs and graphics.